i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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