just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
