i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
