Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
