Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
