i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
