Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
