Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
