I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
