What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
