I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In other news, I just burned my penis
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
