i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
