Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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