Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
