my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
