My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
