Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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