how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
