god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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