I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
