I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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