Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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