I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
