my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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