She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Less talking, more tequila
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
