so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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