she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
