anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
