Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
