Ketchup is God's man juice
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
FUCK WHALES
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
