Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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