man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
