if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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