I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
