saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
