I puked a lego.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
