I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
