Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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