Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
