Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
