fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
