Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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