I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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