i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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