Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
