If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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