dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
