Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh god it's open bar.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
