ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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