so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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