how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
