Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
