You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
