So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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