He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
